And that's when the sadness came

plunging me down, down, down

you pulled the plug

you reminded me of the time

you kissed me and dumped me

all in a day.

And that's when the sadness came

after that deep dark stain

the colour of blood,

my heart stopped for a moment and stood

contemplating next what I needed to do, push this sadness out of view.

And that's when the sadness came

long after the rain had washed the streets clean

long after the burial deep in the ground

long after I said my final goodbyes

the sadness crept, it's secret secure

waking me in darkness as I lay on the floor

sadness so deep my body shook

sadness long forgotten it took me unawares

frightening it's sound, howling in it's windswept state

and that's when the sadness came

Mercy:

"compassion or forgiveness shown towards someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm."
This is today's theme, mercy directed at me, showing compassion and forgiveness towards myself, letting go of the prickly exterior, embracing myself, showing kindness towards myself.  Where do I begin, how do I fill my day coming from a place of mercy, what would my day look like.  Connecting to nature in all its forms, walking, breathing slowly taking each moment without judgement, without the need to make it meaningful, without the need to be recognized, without the need to seek gratification.  So often I find myself putting myself down, if only I was more caring, more attentive, more this, more that when all I need to do is breathe and reassure myself that in each moment of the breath I am ok.  Loving oneself first is much easier to say, to talk about than it is to do, I have been taught that putting myself first is selfish, yet until I fully embrace myself I feel that I embody more and more of a prickly exterior.  I don't like the prickles it keeps people distant, by doing this they cannot hurt me, as I have had many disappoints in my expectations.  Loving kindness to myself today might look like, taking myself to some galleries along the coast, taking tea at the apothecary in Pt Elliot, I love that name apothecary, it fills my mind with magical thoughts of ancient healing herbs, cooling tinctures and a little bit of magic.  Magic in the form of loving kindness, the person running the shop is filled with kindness towards herself as she allowed herself to follow her dream and has now completed her herbalist, nephropathy, homeopathy course and runs her own tea shop from an industrial shed in Pt Elliot.  Yesterday I walked past the health shop in Mt Barker, breathing in the fragrance, my stress eases away  and I am reminded how important it is to take time out.

02/08/18
After a log time of no blogging as I haven't had a computer for a few years, totally reliant on a tablet I have now got back on board and hope to continue a blog at least once a week.  These last two weeks have proved most difficult coming down with the flu and the 5 anniversary of my dad passing over to the other side.  Lots of tears and grief released now the sun is shining and I have been outside to clean up the debris from the winter and storms which we have experienced here in the last few weeks.  Summer is just around the corner, hopefully it will be a mild one.  I am looking forward to the end of this year when the government deems me eligible for retirement, I hope to cut back to 2 days a week, this depends on how things pan out staff wise. 
This beautiful collection of colourful flowers are a mixture from local to Bali beauties.  I love the colour range.

Fashion icon

Self compassion reflecting I see this is my biggest obstacle in life, I am critcal, judgement and never available in truth to myself.  I have been for 64 years my own worst enemy.  I remember years ago being told the best friend you can have is yourself first and then all things fall into place, I question how many of us are our true best friend,  I know if I treated my best friend the way I think about and treat myself we would not be friends. I vow to myself from this day forward to be more considerate and compassionate to myself, how this comes about I am not sure, but I intend to commit to giving it ago.

Wow i Can't believe it has been so long since I wrote on my blog.  Must make an effort to update more often, life seems to get in the way.  I have moved into my own home since i last wrote, here i find myself more at peace, I love my little town and endeavour to blog about it.  This photo is a space i have recently created where I do my morning pages, a sacred space within a sacred space, it makes my busy days bearable, especially when dealing with demanding clientele of the veterinary world.

25 September 2015

The winners journey commences as I attune myself
before jetting off to Dubai and then onto London town.  I will be visiting destinations which I have dreamt about but would never have taken the step towards making them become reality, until I received the phone call telling me I had won a trip to London.  So stay tuned as I write to you from around the globe